About five years ago, our world changed forever. A devastating disease took millions of lives and drastically changed the way we do life. While an argument can be made that things are mostly back to normal now, countless scars remain. However, for me what I remember most about that time is not COVID (for I actually never got it and to this day I have never taken a COVID test). Rather, it is the fact that that was the first time I saw apostasy up close. Friends I had been close to, Christian school students I had taught, former classmates at my Christian college, and more all began to turn away from Christ. I could not explain it, and their reasons did not at all seem to justify abandoning the one who had died for them. And yet off they went into lives that they considered more “free.”

The years since have revealed more of the same. Many more have walked away from the faith, and even once respected men have proven themselves to be nothing more than wolves hiding in the Church. It has been heartbreaking! I have often wondered if the Lord has been sloughing off false converts from His church – purifying His bride for His return. As it is written, “They went out from us, but they were not of us; for if they had been of us, they would have continued with us. But they went out, that it might become plain that they all are not of us” (1 John 2:19 ESV). To say I have been discouraged and even angered by the apostasy I have seen is an understatement. Nevertheless, as long as these “exvangelicals” are still alive and the Gospel still remains relevant, I and all believers are called to respond to them with love, prayer, and steadfast faith rather than judgment and bitterness.

I have been constantly reminded that salvation is a work of the Lord…not human effort. It was Jesus Himself who said, “No one can come to me unless the Father who sent me draws him” (John 6:44, ESV). The agony we feel when our loved ones turn away from the faith can seem unbearable, but we must trust that Christ is at work in their lives—even if we cannot always see it. Recognizing God’s sovereignty helps us avoid the trap of feeling personally responsible for the spiritual decisions of others.

As we face the pain of apostasy, Christians are called to imitate Christ’s love. Jesus said, “A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another: just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another” (John 13:34, ESV). This command extends even to those who have abandoned the faith. Loving unconditionally means showing empathy, offering a listening ear, and being available for conversation without pressing judgment. As Paul reminds us in Romans 12:10 (ESV), “Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor,” which can help build bridges of understanding even in strained relationships.

I have found prayer to be a powerful tool in times of spiritual struggle. In 1 Thessalonians 5:17 (ESV), believers are commanded to “pray without ceasing.” If you have also experienced apostasy among your family and friends, come to your knees and pray, asking the Lord to open their hearts to His truth. Intercessory prayer can soften hardened hearts and invite the Holy Spirit to work in ways that no human ever could. Through prayer, we tune our hearts to God’s purposes and leave the outcome in His capable hands.

The life of a Christian is a living testimony to the hope and transformation found in Christ. In 1 Peter 3:15 (ESV), believers are urged to “always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give an account of the hope that is in you.” Integrity, kindness, and humility in our own walk of faith serves as a powerful witness to those who have abandoned their faith. Our lives need to reflect the peace, joy, and security that comes from a personal relationship with Jesus, so that our example might one day be the very thing that calls our straying brethren home. Never forget that the prodigal son had to experience the sorrows of the world before he was prompted to turn his heart and eyes back to the security of his father’s house.

Nevertheless, sometimes it can take a very long time for an apostate to experience that sorrow – and in the meantime they consider themselves quite free. Liberated from so-called religious hypocrisy, many are rarely willing to engage in civil conversation about the faith. However, should you find yourself with such an opportunity, it is essential to approach the situation with sensitivity and discernment. Let the conversation be characterized on your part by gentleness, respect, and humility. Avoid harsh words, but speak the truth in love with a desire to see them experience the fullness of God’s grace. Also, be willing to hear them out. Often people turn away from the faith because of some hurt they have experienced in the church. Let them share their piece and ask thoughtful questions without condemnation.

No matter what, trust in God’s perfect timing. Ecclesiastes 3:1 (ESV) assures us that “for everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven.” This includes a time for the apostate to be wandering. By definition, apostates were never true believers (though even true believers can wander), and thus they returned to the world because they are of the world. But that does not negate our responsibility to share the Gospel with them and to love them. While we may not see immediate change, we are called to be faithful in our prayers and steadfast in our witness, trusting that God is at work.

When our family and friends abandon the faith, the Christian response should be rooted in love, prayer, and a confident trust in God’s sovereign work in every heart. While it is natural to grieve the loss of shared spiritual fellowship, we are encouraged to continue reflecting Christ’s love, to extend forgiveness, and to remain hopeful in God’s redeeming power. By loving unconditionally, praying without ceasing, and living as an example of Christ’s transformative grace, believers can play a vital role in gently guiding those they care about back to Christ. Remember the words of Paul in 2 Corinthians 5:20 (ESV): “Therefore, we are ambassadors for Christ, God making his appeal through us. We implore you on behalf of Christ, be reconciled to God.” Trust that God’s invitation to salvation remains open, and that He is always working even in the hardest of hearts.

References

Scripture quotations are from The Holy Bible, English Standard Version® (ESV®), copyright © 2001 by Crossway, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

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